I am always amazed how often I am approached to have a conversation with there adult child in hopes of ensuring there financial future doesn’t turn out like the parents.  Now when I saw adult children this can refer to the independent 20 year old who is working to be successful, or the adult child who still lives at how while collecting their retirement pension (yes I have seen people retire without moving out).  The solutions most often can be found on the list below.

1. Lead by example.  Parents by default become mentors, setting the example and developing habits.  If you want your children to do something, telling them is a much tougher road than leading by example.  If your financial life isn’t in order, why would they take your advice to fix theirs?
2. Be human.  Often we let “perfect” get in the way of real.  If you paint a picture of your financial life with no flaws, bumps or obstacles you become unrealistic and a much intimidating model.  Be human, let your kids know you have struggled and made bad choices.
3. Don’t write a cheque.  Parents often write cheques to bail out their kids.  Regrettable more often than not this only leads to the next (and often bigger) crisis.  I have seen parents go bankrupt because they want to make their adult children’s and grandchildren’s financial life easier.  With this support the people you are trying to help rarely step up and make their own life work.
4. Don’t push advice.  When someone feels pressure to move in one direction, they often resist.  I have many times seen a well meaning parent trying to help start constantly pushing financial advice.  The result is often a resistance to any of the advice as they start to move in the other direction.

It is hard to watch those we care about struggle or make mistakes, however too often a well meant action may only make it worse.